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They teach you how to love, but they don't teach you how to stop

Updated: Mar 4, 2023

Ahhhhhh, the Notebook *sigh*. Let's face it, for the majority of us, our perception of love comes from the land of fantasy and make-believe; Hollywood, Bollywood, Novelas...the list goes on! (MASSIVE fan btw!). We are shown an exaggerated view of love; it's never-ending, it conquers all. We are shown how to get it, how to keep it and what it looks and feels like. Love always wins! *claps*

We are, essentially, 'conditioned' to see love as good, always positive, something to strive for and when you have it, you fight for it. Movies, love songs and romance novels portray love as something you never give up on once you have found your "one true love" (does this really exist? Can we love more than one in our lifetime? 🤔).

Culture and old-school traditions also play a role in encouraging love to be your main source of "keeping it together", even when things are bad.

And it's no one's fault, really, love alone is good and pure in nature. There is a natural instinct to protect that which you love, but anyone that has ever been in love, and has lost it, will tell you, love was never enough. Nor is it even the answer to having a great relationship or an indication that it ever will be (sorry to be the one to tell ya!).

Therein lies the problem. The kryptonite to love; when it goes wrong. And it can go wrong in so many ways. How can love be so horrible when it is so good?

It starts with how the concept of love is taught. Directly and indirectly. When we focus on the 'love' feeling alone, the dopamine hit, as the sole definition of what love within a relationship is, we are in for a world of pain if and/or when it ends. Worse still is when love is there but the relationship seems to still be crumbling.

We are taught only one small aspect of what love is, missing A MASSIVE component of it. It's kind of like two sides of a coin; you can't really have one without the other. Let's face it, even if you have a deep and mutual love, nothing lasts forever. But let's stick to the relationship kind of love.

Here is an example. Think of love as the interior design of your house. The icing on the cake if you will. Now think of what makes the house BE a house. Is it its decor? Nope! Would your house still be standing if it only had the decor? Nope! To create a home requires more than its interior.

When was the last time someone sat you down and taught you how to cope when love goes away? How to handle the real and sometimes debilitating emotions that come afterwards? Is there a class in high school that teaches you? What was the last movie you saw that portrayed what healthy love looks like? or how to effectively handle the aftermath of a breakup? (like, the for real version of what happens after a breakup).

If love is something you fight for, if it conquers all, why isn't it working like it does in the movies?

When love ends, how do you combat such a contrast to this hormone, the literal brain changing feeling as well as the convincing positivity that we are exposed to?

What do we do with this feeling? How do we get rid of it? CAN we even get rid of it? How do we function in future relationships (or just life in general) while it still lingers from the past?

It starts with understanding what love really is. What it looks like in a healthy relationship, how to use it effectively to build on (not build) a successful relationship, and learning the strategies to help you manage the emotion before it even arises and when it is taken away from you.

Love is big, love is blind and love is a battlefield. One thing is for damn sure, it's not for the fain-hearted!

(Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging! I have some good stuff coming soon all about ❤️ > stay tuned!)

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