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She was smart, until she fell in love

 
Why is it that when you fall in love you become a complete idiot?
Actually, it's all in the science!

"When people fall in love, they experience a surge of hormones and neurotransmitters that make them feel good, Dr. Feuerman told INSIDER. "Such chemistry overrides our logical, rational thought," she says, which can lead you to doing things you might not otherwise."

Let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief!
No, you are not crazy, and no, there is nothing wrong with you!
Does this mean we should fear falling in love? Will we always end up making mistakes and not be able to see it? (love is blind, after all 😫). The good news is, the issue isn't with falling in love or the person you're falling in love with ❤️❤️❤️


What this simply means is that when we fall in love with someone without having the proper precautions in place, we are at risk of staying in a toxic relationship and repeating this pattern. Worse yet, we are at risk of seriously hurting ourselves.
In other words, if you don't have your shit together, falling for someone could make you vulnerable to them (especially if they are toxic or unhealed people).
What are these "precautions" I hear you ask? Say no more! This is just the beginning, but a house cannot be strong without its foundation being built first. Trust me, once you've worked this stuff out within yourself, you will be stronger and wiser and able to manage all relationships in your life (i.e, people will no longer be able to manipulate and use you - you see it coming A MILE away!).
Ok, great, so what does that even mean? What are these so called precautions? Why does it even matter?

It's a biiiiiig topic, but let me break it down for you:
* Know. Your. Trauma. -> yep, even you can have trauma you didn't know was there. And it doesn't have to be major trauma either (you'd be surprised at what constitutes trauma! Almost everyone has it). Once you uncover it, you open up a chest of reasons as to why you do what you do and think how you think...and why you behave that way in your relationships! (ever thought, "why am I like this?"...💡).

* The better you know yourself -> the more confident you will be with who you are and your decisions and the less you'll care about what people think of you and your decisions (does this sound familiar? Caring too much about what your partner thinks? Changing who you are or restricting who you are to make them happy?)

* When you're comfortable being on your own -> YOU DON'T SETTLE. You don't need to settle for anything less or stay attached to a relationship, because you don't fear being alone anymore (let's not confuse alone with lonely). Fear of loneliness leads to maaaany people holding on when they should JUST LET GO. You'll learn the VALUE of being alone (including when you are in a healthy relationship), enjoying the peace you have whilst not being in a relationship. Best of all, you get to explore different hobbies and achieving goals without anyone holding you back.

* Established values -> when you come across someone that doesn't align with you (because you are strong and sure of yourself) you know they will not fit into your life and simply not care to continue engaging with them. They are a complete bloody waste of your time, you don't just know it, you don't want it! (we ain't got time for that!...literally).



* Established standards -> like a radar that goes off, when you have standards you can easily recognise when someone isn't meeting them and subsequently remove them from your path to greatness!

* Established boundaries -> f***rs can't even get close enough! You put a stop to their disrespect or overstep before they get a chance to hurt you. (How many times does someone cross your boundary, something they do or say doesn't feel right or go against what you've made clear you don't want/like, but you let it happen anyway to keep the peace or make them happy? Ohhhh yes, we've all been there!).



What this will do in the long run is help you rationalise your emotions and experiences in a relationship and not let 'love' blind you.

Simple to do, right? Sadly not. Alas, many things in life are rarely easy. Which is why so many of us feel stuck in a rut, making the same mistakes. Healing is hard babe, I am not gonna lie to you!

But it is so worth it! And you deserve it.

Love isn't the enemy, but we can be. Our lack of self-reflection and improvement can be our downfall.

The key too healing, to being the BEST version of yourself, happens with deep reflection and time. Nope, it won't happen over night or over a weekend retreat. We are NOT interested in bandaid fixes here.

The only way to protect your heart is to first understand it, heal it and have a strong foundation of who you are, so that you can fall in love without it blinding you.

Yours in healing, Vanessa xx

Do you struggle with any of these precautions?

  • 0%Yes

  • 0%No

  • 0%Never knew they existed! (help!)

You can vote for more than one answer.


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